Born Under A Bad Moon

[Jeffrey610]

Hello,
It's been a long while since I posted anything. . .any wonder why?
2020 has shaped up to be a RECORD year with all the Politics, Pandemics and Pandemonium. I, as I am sure you were too, was busier that a one legged, one armed mountain climber.
Well, I had an epiphany around Thanksgiving, and was able to put it to song. I usually can't write lyrics. . .but that's how it came to me, so. . .
I ask for your indulgence, and your thoughts about this song in the wake of this years events. Feel free to comment Positively or Negatively. . .all will lead to a better song writer.
PS: I wrote this in Notation (not Notation 3) so I cannot account for the Reverb.
Also, one might set the volume level to 3/4 (or better) as I did no Engineering.

Here is to a better NEW YEAR. . . for all.
Jeffrey610

[dj]

Hi, Jeffery:

Well, that woke me up!

Good song -- hard-hitting lyrics. It's suddenly 1969, again! (Insert hippie emoji here.)

I like your drum grooves and your guitar fills (I changed the top keyboard line to a power guitar sound and dropped it an octave. It works.)

On the lyrics side, you might consider changing "Martin Luther" to "MLK". It's the first item that gives us the theme of the piece and I was initially confused as to whether we would be discussing the 15th century Reformation of the Catholic church or not. It's clear shortly after but first impressions are important.

Also "veins". A bit of a pedantic spelling point, I know, but if it goes out to the public, don't give them anything small to quibble about -- let them argue about the big things.

You decided to fade out quite early, starting at bar 123, but I erased the volume curves and found that you've got a good groove going right to the end. I suggest building on that, rather than fading out, and giving that final Em chord at bar 130 even more power.

Yeah, it's been one helluva year on every front, hasn't it?

Hope all of that helps.

David

[Jeffrey610]

dj,
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!! You know, I had MLK as the first reference lyric, but thought it was TOO vague. ( I am pedantic, and think others are not so) Did I spell vein incorrectly? Shame!!! Corrections abound. Does Sherry have a "Spell Check" option?
Truth: I had a first draft that had Strings, Guitars, Horns and Background Singers in it. I thought it would take away from the Message. But, your so right, a guitar line would make 'Bad Moon' a little more melodic. Your fade corrections are right on! Performance
Values. . .Who knew.
Again, thank you for the Critique. The song (and I) am better for them.
Jeffrey 610

[rrayner]

Good music, good message, Jeffery. Glad to see you back.

I agree with David - a much more gradual diminuendo would be very effective.

As always, I LOVE your percussion work (and I'm basically just a tenor sax player who just knows what he likes to hear - and solid, driving rhythm is right up there). One of these days I will try to dig more into what you are doing in percussion (Sigh! Where does the time go?).

Ralph Rayner